No, not the country rock band (with an "s"), but this dad who took the family to the Midwest mecca of Branson and proved the points that adventure keeps the inner child alive and time with the kids keeps the clan close.
My friend Micah gave me a look I didn’t trust and nodded for me to follow him. We speed-walked across Silver Dollar City, an amusement park in Branson, Missouri, without his telling me where we were going.
He’s been coming to Silver Dollar City for 40 years, so he knows the best rides, where they are, and the fastest way to get to them. The fact he wouldn’t tell me where we were going ... that made me nervous. Micah and I settled into a long line for a big coaster and ... gosh, I hate to admit this, but I was frightened as I looked up at Outlaw Run.
Apparently 50 is the age at which roller coasters scare me. Outlaw Run twists upside down three times and reaches 68 miles per hour, making it one of the fastest wooden roller coasters in the world, and all of that is great, but what those statistics don’t capture is the intensity. After a slow climb up the first hill, it screamed full throttle for our entire ride.
No, wait, that was me screaming.
I have no idea how many roller coasters I’ve ridden, but I have never, and I mean never ever, been as exhilarated as I was on Outlaw Run, a $10 million jolt of energy that opened in 2013. My heart pounded — I checked my Fitbit, and my heart rate reached 90 as I waited in line, 115 in the middle of the ride, and stayed there for several minutes after.
So not only is Outlaw Run the best roller coaster I’ve ever been on, it’s also a great workout.
Micah and I climbed out of our seats and floated across Silver Dollar City to find our kids and wives. Adrenaline put my senses on high alert. The wind nicked my face; the smell of deep-fried something created a longing in my stomach that I would soon satisfy. I heard something, it was faint at first and grew ever louder ... dad ... Dad ... DAD!
What?
This is a family vacation story. Shouldn’t you, um, mention your family?
Ah, yes. I took my kids to Branson to show them a good time and had so much fun myself I almost forgot about Whatshername and Whosit, who in turn enjoyed themselves so much on our four-day trip there in the fall that they immediately started pestering me to take them back, which I did for Thanksgiving ... and the spring ... and Thanksgiving a second time. Silver Dollar City at Christmastime is as great as Silver Dollar City in the fall with the added bonus of 6.5 million lights, 1,000 Christmas trees, and holiday-themed shows.
Fishing and Riding and Reading and More
While Micah and I rode Outlaw Run and other big coasters, our kids built their courage on smaller rides. If Silver Dollar City has a ride for everyone, so the Branson area has something for everyone. I’ve pulled trout out of its creeks and bass out of its lakes, learned to use a map and compass in its forests, and eaten a steak the size of my head on a patio at the exclusive Big Cedar Lodge.
My wife, kids, in-laws, and I all enjoyed being transported in time at the Titanic Museum Attraction. We coveted the opulence and shuddered at the terror of that most infamous of disasters.
In nearby Springfield, I gaped at the region’s natural history on display at Wonders of Wildlife National Museum & Aquarium. With 350,000 square feet, 800 species of wildlife, 35,000 live animals, and a 1.5 million-gallon aquarium, it’s the largest immersive wildlife attraction in the world.
Mansfield, Missouri, is just over an hour’s drive from Branson, but my wife and two girls love to read, so of course we visited the Laura Ingalls Wilder House. We went to her gravesite, and there we met a man who said he met Wilder, author of the Little House series, when he was a boy; his mother owned a beauty salon and Half Pint her-grown-self was a frequent customer.
That was several years ago. I must confess I have often wondered since then if he was being 100 percent honest or if there’s a secret agreement among Mansfieldians to claim a connection to Wilder when they meet outsiders.
After several visits to southwest Missouri since then, I’ve decided I don’t care if it’s true.
Come for the fun.
Stay for the legends.
There are plenty of them.
A Land of Midwest Sensibilities, Southern Accents, and Western Hearts
Branson is in southwest Missouri, close to the Arkansas and Oklahoma state borders. It’s too far north to be considered the South, too far east to be the West, and too far south to be the Midwest.
Culturally, it feels like a stew of all three regions. The people radiate Midwestern friendliness and Southern hospitality. At first, I thought the barista at Branson Landing, a popular outdoor mall, was joking with her accent as she described how her first day in her new job was going. But then she kept talking ... her strong Southern twang, far from the only one I heard, stood out against flat Midwestern accents.
Like the West, Branson is built on legends, some of which happen to be true, such as this one, from Silver Dollar City’s own history: “... It began as a hole in the ground.”
That hole in the ground is Marvel Cave. The Herschend family leased it in the 1950s and offered tours. They built an 1880s Ozark village on top of it to give customers waiting for a tour of the cave something to do. They named it Silver Dollar City and handed out silver dollars as a promotional gimmick. When customers went home, so the legend goes, they would spend those silver dollars, people would ask where they got them, and, voilà!, free advertising.
Silver Dollar City featured a blacksmith, general store, and ice cream parlor. Town “residents” performed street theater and funny skits about the feuding Hatfields and McCoys. In its first year, Silver Dollar City drew 125,000 people — far more than the cave.
The Herschends added a craft festival in 1963. Soon woodcarvers, candlemakers, weavers, potters, and more were regulars. Today the cave is still there. The “town” above it grew into an amusement park with the scariest coaster I’ve ever ridden (as I mentioned) and the best amusement park food I’ve ever had. (pro tip: Try everything.)
We stuffed ourselves with barbecue for dinner. I thought we’d slowly walk out. But Whosit, my younger daughter, had spent all day screwing up the courage to ride Thunderation, a roller coaster, and now she finally declared herself ready. I hustled her to the ride before she could change her mind.
It was dark by then, and there was no line, so we climbed right into our seats without having to wait. As we sped through a swirling righthand turn, the top speed reached 48, and it felt even faster. I grabbed her hand to comfort her. The smile on her face proved that unnecessary.
We arrived at the bottom of a hill and started to climb. She hates going down big hills — thinks every descent is too fast, too vertical, too argh. The only reason she was on this ride was her sister and friends promised her the ride didn’t go down any big hills. As we crept up, up, up, I looked over, certain she was going to be crying. Her eyes were wet all right, but that was because of the wind and speed. Her hair was swept off her face, and her smile swallowed her ears.
We reached the top of the hill, raced our way down through a labyrinth of turns, and the end came far too soon.
She insisted we ride again.
On the Magic of a Great Show
As the hole in the ground with Silver Dollar City on top of it grew in popularity, so did Branson. Tourists first flocked there after reading Harold Bell Wright’s book The Shepherd of the Hills. The first live music show on The Strip, the Baldknobbers Jamboree, opened in 1959. Today Branson is home to more than 45 theaters and 80 shows.
Whatshername, my older daughter, is a literalist. She believes in right and wrong, black and white, yes and no. She hates not knowing. If I wanted to be mean to her, I’d tell her a riddle but not the answer to it. She doesn’t like to be tricked, to see with her eyes that which she knows can’t be true.
I say all that so that I can pay illusionist Rick Thomas a compliment: We attended his show Mansion of Dreams, and he thoroughly baffled all of us to the point it bothered my daughter. She couldn’t reconcile the tension between her eyes and brain.
The younger one is more of a detective and saw Thomas’ tricks as mysteries to be solved. After the show, we tried to figure out how Thomas got that audience member’s watch into a seemingly unopened can of soup (and changed the time on the watch), how his assistant’s head could appear to spin completely around, and how the hell he got the dogs, motorcycle, and helicopter on stage.
I’m sure Google and/or YouTube could tell us, but the conversation in which we tried to figure it out was far more gratifying than learning the truth would have been.
In other words, I’m siding with the legend, again.
Being In Branson
World-class entertainment and attractions in rural lake-filled Southwest Missouri are just some of the reasons Branson rocks for a family vacation.
Famous as a Midwestern country-music mecca and the home of 1800s-themed amusement theme park Silver Dollar City, Branson boasts dozens of theaters, several theme parks, three major lakes, and hundreds of shows, attractions, restaurants, and shopping venues. While the town itself has a population of about 13,000, it draws almost 10 million visitors a year and constantly gets top marks in tourism polls. You know you’ve hit family-vacay paydirt when you’re torn between Dolly Parton’s Wild West-style Stampede dinner attraction and the Shepherd of the Hills Zipline Canopy Tour. Stay long enough and come back often — there’ll still be more to see and do.
Stay In Style: Big Cedar Lodge
Johnny Morris, the founder of Bass Pro Shops and owner of Big Cedar Lodge, is sometimes called “the Walt Disney of outdoors.” It fits. His mission is to connect people — families, friends, whatever kind of travel group or solo adventurer you are — with the outdoors. His Big Cedar Lodge does just that brilliantly. After staying at “America’s Premier Wilderness Resort” (think secluded, lakeside) on a fishing trip, I came away with a one-word description: complete. First-class rooms, cabins and lodges, fine dining restaurants, spa services, swimming pools, golf courses, and the terrific lake-front setting — they thought of everything and excelled at all of it. It’s so family-friendly that Big Cedar Lodge is consistently named one of the world’s best family hotels. bigcedar.com
Immerse In More Morris
Impressive and complete as it is, Big Cedar Lodge is just one element of Johnny Morris’ Ozark empire. Among Bass Pro’s five hospitality destinations, there’s also Big Cypress Lodge, Dogwood Canyon Nature Park, Wonders of Wildlife National Museum & Aquarium, and Finley Farms. The 10,000-acre Dogwood Canyon “nature destination” includes wildlife tram tours, fishing, waterfall viewing, bald eagle and rare white bison spotting, and the Mill & Canyon Grill restaurant. In nearby Springfield, Morris’ Wonders of Wildlife National Museum & Aquarium (WOW) — billed as “the largest immersive wildlife attraction in the world,” with over 1.5 miles of exhibits and 800-plus featured species — has been voted “America’s Best Aquarium” in a USA Today poll for the fifth year in a row. The Finley Farms development features the Ozark Mill, an event space with a restaurant, speakeasy, history tour, and general store. The relocated and repaired Riverside Bridge spans 274 feet and connects to a growing regional hiking trail system. The Chapel, built from reclaimed materials, is an open-air venue. It looks like an early 19th-century church with no walls. I hiked by it and saw a couple walking through it. The romantic in me is convinced they were scouting locations for which they would stand side by side in a church.
Then there’s Morris’ latest attraction, Top of the Rock, which boasts more top-notch golf, Ozarks Heritage Preserve (million-dollar views of the Ozark Mountains and Table Rock Lake), and the Ancient Ozarks Natural History Museum (dioramas, Civil War and Native American artifacts, and treasures like Annie Oakley’s shotgun, Abe Lincoln’s desk, and a lock of George Washington’s hair). There’s another chapel here—on its grounds overlooking Table Rock Lake, a nightly sunset celebration is accompanied by bagpipes and a Civil War cannon salute.
See a Super Show: Dolly Parton’s Stampede
When and where besides here and now are you going to have the chance to eat a four-course family feast in a 35,000-square-foot arena as 32 horses and trick riders perform amazing stunts with special effects and great musical productions? dpstampede.com
Don’t Miss a Meal: The Keeter Center
Meals at this facility on the campus of College of the Ozarks are hot tickets. On a Saturday afternoon in October, we toured the campus for two hours as we waited for a table to be available (my friend Micah is a professor there). For Thanksgiving, we grazed on a smorgasbord of turkey, prime rib, mashed potatoes, dozens of other sides, and so many desserts I couldn’t possibly have tried all of them. keetercenter.edu
Relax on the Water: Chateau On The Lake
My daughters loved sitting on the balcony and doing their homework. I would have read out there, but the view of Table Rock Lake distracted me from my book. My wife and I loved the room’s thick silence and utter darkness, even long after the sun came up, two characteristics all too often lacking in hotels. I’ve never slept better on the road than I did the three nights we spent here. chateauonthelake.com
Check Out New Digs: The Ozarker Lodge
A new “boutique, design-forward, reasonably affordable option in Branson,” The Ozarker Lodge opens this summer with an eye toward attracting Gen-Zers and millennials — often with children — who appreciate the nostalgic family road-trip vibe and are interested in convenience, unique social spaces, creative amenities, and value for their dollar. theozarkerlodge.com
Explore Ozark: The Quimby House
We organized our Thanksgiving trip relatively late, so we had a hard time finding a place in Branson. We discovered a four-bedroom Airbnb gem in Ozark, Missouri, a 30-minute drive from Branson. Restored to look and feel like a home in the early 1900s, the Quimby House has wood floors that creak, old pictures that tell simple stories, and chairs that absorb you. There’s also a pool table, sunroom, and enough nooks and crannies to make a tour necessary. airbnb.com
Make Time For Tea
Downtown Ozark, a five-minute walk, is delightful. Pro tip: Go to the Spring Creek Tea Room for lunch (apple pecan salad) and chase it with dessert. The four of us split three desserts (apple, coconut, and chocolate) and at least one of us picked each as their favorite.
This article appears in our July 2023 issue, available now on newsstands or through out C&I Shop.