Yellowstone Episode 506 Recap: “Cigarettes, Whiskey, A Meadow and You”

Here are some random thoughts prompted by “Cigarettes, Whiskey, A Meadow and You,” Episode 506 of Yellowstone. Please keep in mind: There will be scads of spoilers here, and we’re not the least bit ashamed.

• • This episode, replete with vividly detailed and beautifully romanticized images of spring branding on the Yellowstone/Dutton Ranch, is probably what many viewers thought Yellowstone would be about when they sat down to sample Episode 1 way back in 2018. It probably won’t completely appease those viewers who constantly complain about all the F-bombs and sexual gymnastics that usually are emphasized in the show. (And, indeed, there was a generous dose of both here.) By this point in time, however, you really have to wonder why the complainers keep tuning in. Are their lives so empty that they’re compelled to find some sort of perverse joy in hate watching?

• • Can’t speak for anyone else, but I found it difficult to maintain a straight face while smoking-hot Sarah appeared — emphasize appeared — to take offense when Jamie questioned her motives after a spirited night between the sheets. “If you insinuate I’m here for any reason other than I want to be here,” she said, more pouty than angry, “you’re insinuating that I would use sex to achieve a particular goal in my profession. Which is to say I’m being paid to have sex with you. Which is to call me a whore.” Well, if the shoe fits… But never mind. Give Jamie credit for having enough self-awareness to admit: “I got a pretty good bead on my appeal as a man. And it doesn’t add up to you.”

• • Even so, all the self-awareness in the world won’t keep Jamie from being played like a violin, will it?

• • Sorry to see Emmett head off to the last roundup. Buck Taylor made an engaging impression as the seasoned old cowboy, and his character brought out a wistfully reflective side of John Dutton that hardly anyone else has ever managed. But c’mon: You knew something bad was going to happen on this cattle branding, right? Good times rarely last long on this show. We’re lucky they didn’t go ahead and have Tate drown while he was fishing to supply the inevitable buzzkill.

• • When he was told no less a luminary than the President of the United States would be visiting Montana, John snapped, not altogether unexpectedly, “I have nothing to say to that idiot.” Guess this means John ran as a Republican, huh?

• • Count on Beth to spoil anything, even her father’s passionate appreciation of his land. “You see what you’ve been missing?” John asked by way of inviting her to enjoy the majesty of the landscape. Beth, thoroughly unimpressed, asked: “Anyone think to pack any vodka?” And it didn’t help when John pressed her to share his sense of wonder. “It’s the same view from the porch,” Beth said, “It’s just a different angle.” You know, there are times when we wonder whether Jamie isn’t John’s only adopted offspring.

• • And speaking of Beth: Does Kelly Reilly have it written into her contract that Beth alludes to oral sex in every episode?

• • Finn must really be growing up: They’ve already introduced a potential romantic interest for him. Hope this works out uneventfully for both of them. Remember how bad things always happened to women who took a shine to any of the Cartwright boys in Bonanza?

• • Take a moment to pity Mo. The poor guy can’t even sit down for a peaceful meal without military-grade helicopters passing over his roof and rattling the dishes. On the other hand, that scene did give Mo Brings Plenty a chance to spend quality time with his real-life wife Sara Ann Brings Plenty and son Jerynce Brings Plenty. Talk about keeping it in the family.

• • We never did get to see Thomas Rainwater with the visiting President. Come to think of it, he didn’t look very pleased at all about the visit. Maybe he’s a Republican, too?